The Luckiest

This may seem weird to admit, but I'm a fuck up. I wrote a song called "I'm A Fuck Up" that pretty much summed that up, but, tonight, I stand dancing with my lady to a variety of different songs in the privacy of our own little apartment.

The one song that fucking floored both of us, though, was "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.

The reason it resonates with me is because, even though I fucking despise the creep execs in the music industry who seem to fail upward all the time, here I am in a room with a woman I came to know by failing. Seriously, all of us fail upwards, really. Think about it...would you be with the wonderful person you're with today (assuming you are and that you think such of them) if both of you hadn't failed in previous relationships?

Years ago, 1993 to be exact, I was working in some shit-hole company in Chicago when the most beautiful girl I had ever seen walked in for an interview. I remember walking by the office in which she was interviewing and feeling my heart stop on a dime. There was no doubt in my mind she would get the job, of course, and a week or so later, she began her new position.

It was then that I noticed the ring on her finger. Having already decided that she was "the one", I didn't let a little thing like "a motherfucking ring" get in the way and, five days before she was scheduled to walk down the aisle, she and I stole away half-way across the country. It was wrong, it was spur of the moment, but it lasted ten years. Ten of the best and worst years of my life.

Being the guy I was, though, I dropped the ball a number of times and, ultimately, she let me go. I was devastated. I honestly felt that God, in whatever form he/she may occupy, had cut me a major break by bringing us together yet there I was unable to keep from messing up left and right.

And, thus, she finally washed her hands of me.

I was devastated. I felt as if I'd not only let her down but also let down the forces that brought us together in the most unlikely of ways.

And then I met her.

She was amazing and, quite honestly, if I'd succeeded with the previous girl, I'd have never known how great it felt to meet someone who was beautiful, yet fucked up in the same way that I was (which truly matters...weird as it may seem).

I've come to realize in the two years we've been together that all of my fuck-ups brought me here and that, crazy as it may seem, I failed upward in a huge way.

The two songs that connect with me most in this relationship are as follows:

Perfect Day
The Luckiest